The Complete Substitute for All Forms of Sociability

Had my eyes checked up today. I had to wait an hour to get my new lenses. That means walking around the mall practically half-blind. After I got home with my new glasses, I didn't feel like doing anything so I whipped out my pencil and did a quick sketch of my dog, Assunta, who likes to sleep near my feet.

There is a moment between sleep and waking that the quiet inhabits. I do not want to sleep. But like a warm blanket on a cold night, it envelopes me. There is an ache, dull and somehow sweet inside me. I have been shattered. And I look at her who lies beside me. “Ran.” I meet her again at a New York City gallery. The exhibit belongs to a friend of hers. I am there because John suddenly gets called to a business conference so I am left to amuse myself on our vacation. I remember telling him I understand. We are alike, him and I. We need structure and roles to fulfill. I am fulfilling mine. ....And then there's her.

Erap is running for President. Now the punchline: IT'S TRUE.

Well.... Now that that's over and done with, time for me to hit the road again. Sort of. Methinks my mother is trying to turn me into her minion. At least, that's the vibe I got while I was at her home in the province, having a well-deserved break. Predictably, I couldn't even last a week. I guess the fact that I went through my reading list in barely four days may be a contributing factor. That and because I'm getting fat. The solution? I need to get off my butt. Job hunting -- i.e. scurrying to and fro job fairs -- might just be the thing to shake off the extra kilos I gained these past several months. Also, I need to get away from that woman. Oh, I know she means well. But if I let her, she's just going to allow me to rot in that place.

WHAT IF GOD WASN'T REAL? What if all this time you've been praying to this nonexistent entity fabricated long ago by people who frightened too much and understood too little? What if the one thing you've been taught -- nay, indoctrinated since birth -- to believe as the only truth was a lie? What if there was nothing out there who is bigger than you and that you are responsible for EVERYTHING ...and nothing? What if...? To keep your mind open to things you would otherwise reject because of your upbringing and acquired prejudices. To wonder. But I wish it wasn't at the cost of so much interior erosion. I wonder. I'm curious. But I'm taking baby steps. A sudden gust of wind could blow and close the door behind forever. If I can't go back, will I go forward? Trudge on. Or will I stay put? Afraid to move a single inch. What if it were my last day on earth? What if, a long time ago, I dreamed up this life? Then I should know what's on the other side. I am no...

I think people should stop thinking like a herd. Think about it. It is not that far-fetched for everyone else to be wrong. Democracy isn't really about the rule of the majority, but the freedom of the few. Don't hesitate to question what's in front of you. Don't stop asking, especially yourself: Am I doing right by me? For I think that if anything, you should always do right by you. You can conform to standards, follow all the rules, but you cannot borrow other people's principles. You have to live your own. If you want things to mean something -- Believe in it. I think that you shouldn't believe anything just because everyone else believes it. We are not mechanical, mindless. You can pretend and no one will know. But you will know. You're just pretending. For conviction must come from within , not from without. Think about it. I think that you shouldn't think in one particular way because they say: This is how it's done. This is how thi...

I bought a lot of books while I was in Manila. I have no idea why, after spending years and years reading books, I'd even want to see another one, but honestly I love books. And I don't know, there is something about bookshops that comfort me. This is especially mind-boggling since I have this weird aversion to libraries. Anyhoo, what am I reading? The Mass by F. Sionil Jose I read The Pretenders about a year ago. The Mass is supposed to be the sequel. I'm planning to read the entire Rosales trilogy and when I'm done with them I'm going to read all the other opus of this master storyteller. It's probably too soon to say this but F. Sionil Jose is my favorite Filipino author. The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho I have always been skeptical of uber-popular books and authors. It can't be gainsaid that Paulo Coelho practically embodies that niche in modern literature, but I have actually read the first few chapters of this book a few months ago an...

Here's to hoping I don't: